Zell Miller: An Angry, Little Man

Andrew Sullivan, who has no love for either Kerry or the Democrats, does a masterful job of bitch slapping nasty little Zell Miller:

Zell Miller's address will, I think, go down as a critical moment in this campaign, and maybe in the history of the Republican party. I kept thinking of the contrast with the Democrats' keynote speaker, Barack Obama, a post-racial, smiling, expansive young American, speaking about national unity and uplift. Then you see Zell Miller, his face rigid with anger, his eyes blazing with years of frustration as his Dixiecrat vision became slowly eclipsed among the Democrats. Remember who this man is: once a proud supporter of racial segregation, a man who lambasted LBJ for selling his soul to the negroes. His speech tonight was in this vein, a classic Dixiecrat speech, jammed with bald lies, straw men, and hateful rhetoric. As an immigrant to this country and as someone who has been to many Southern states and enjoyed astonishing hospitality and warmth and sophistication, I long dismissed some of the Northern stereotypes about the South. But Miller did his best to revive them. The man's speech was not merely crude; it added whole universes to the word crude.

[....]

By claiming that the Democrats were the enemies of the troops, traitors, quislings and wimps, Miller did exactly what he had the audacity to claim the Democrats were doing: making national security a partisan matter. I'm not easy to offend, but this speech was gob-smackingly vile.

[....]

Miller has absolutely every right to lambaste John Kerry's record on defense in the Senate. It's ripe for criticism, and, for my part, I disagree with almost all of it (and as a pro-Reagan, pro-Contra, pro-SDI, pro-Gulf War conservative, I find Kerry's record deeply troubling). But that doesn't mean he's a traitor or hates America's troops or believes that the U.S. is responsible for global terror. And the attempt to say so is a despicable attempt to smear someone's very patriotism.

[....]

What's remarkable about the Republicans is their utter indifference to fairness in their own attacks. Smearing opponents as traitors to their country, as unfit to be commander-in-chief, as agents of foreign powers (France) is now fair game. Appealing to the crudest form of patriotism and the easiest smears is wrong when it is performed by the lying Michael Moore and it is wrong when it is spat out by Zell Miller. Last night was therefore a revealing night for me. I watched a Democrat at a GOP Convention convince me that I could never be a Republican. If they wheel out lying, angry old men like this as their keynote, I'll take Obama. Any day.

Republican Family Values & Bill O'Reilly

A lot of GOPers got their panties in a bunch over Whoopi Goldberg's tired old joke about the name of our President. Now we hear that the Republican National Committee has invited Kid Rock to perform at its convention. Kid Rock??!!?? Have any of these hypocrites actually bothered to listened to or look up any of the lyrics? Were they so blinded by the horrid flashing of Janet Jackson's evil breast that they forgot the bloated, scrawny, middle-aged, semi-naked white guy using a US flag as a shawl that was on screen before her Satanic performance? As a public service to the RNC, below are some "family values" lyrics from Kid Rock. Which songs do you think they'll use at the convention? Here are some to choose from:

Fuck U Blind

I'll fuck u blind bitch
I'll fuck u blind bitch
I'll fuck u blind till you just can't see no more

Wax The Booty

Wax that booty
Co-wax the booty
Freaky freaky freak with the nice size booty
Wax that booty
Co-wax the booty
I gotta freak freak so I am gonna wax her booty"


Pimp of the Nation

There's only two types of men
Pimps and John's
There's one type of bitch
And that's a ho


Killin' Brain Cells

So fuck college and a good education
All we need to learn is how to hold hands
Then we could live in peace in my homeland
God damn the way my pain swells
I spend all my time killin' brain cells
The light shed on me was a dim gleam
So I live life in a bottle of Jim Beam
Droppin' dots or sniffin' that blow black,
I go to sleep at night watchin' Kojak
Fuck hoes cuz I'm no big fag
Roll with Zig Zags like to read skin mags

Rabid attack dog Bill O'Reilly called for a boycott of Pepsi over hiring Ludacris a few years ago. He's protesting Anheiser Busch for doing the same this year. Will he have the balls to call a boycott on Republicans for using Kid Rock? Write to him at Oreilly@foxnews.com.
[Post idea and lyrics courtesy of www.patridiots.com]

What Viagra, Cialis, etc. Commercials Should Be

You've seen them. The commercials hawking drugs for erectile dysfunction, complete with suggestive imagery, like footballs being tossed through tires. (Sure. I see a football and immediately think "sex!". Give me a freakin' break!) Anyway, this script for an E.D. product over at Izzle pfaff from the demented mind of Skot is what all those ads should be.

ANNOUNCER VO: Turgidin. You need boners. We need money.

Re-election Surprise Predictions

So what re-election stunt will Rove, Cheney, and Ashcroft pull in October to insure another 4 years of our current moron and liar-in-chief? October Surprise has a poll that asks people to vote on and/or suggest possible scenarios. Current results are:

Osama bin Laden captured! 38.1%
Spectacular terrorist attack on US soil! 17.8%
Vote is threatened by terrorist attacks, vote suspended due to red alert.15.5%
Diebold Election Systems fixes the vote in battleground states. 11.1%
Escalation in Israel, Iran, or North Korea. US opens a new war front. 7.4%
WMD's found in Iraq! 5.2%
US pulls out of Iraq in October, leaving the UN in charge. 5.0%

Total votes: 3140

Bush Administration Changes A Lightbulb

Original author unknown.....

How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a lightbulb?
SEVEN:

one to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced

one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the lightbulb,

one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb,

one to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of lightbulbs,

one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a lightbulb,

one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,

and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.

Republican National Convention Schedule

Found on a discussion forum......

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE New York, NY

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1 Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner.
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin'Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare.
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: a drain on our nation's economy.
11:10 PM Hillary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12: 00PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

They Can't Even Keep Their Own Lies In Sync

This stands without any comment:

RHETORIC:
"John Kerry's backward-looking approach would return us to the failed policies of treating terror as a law-enforcement matter."
- Bush campaign statement, 3/27/04

REALITY
"This was a domestic airplane that was operated by people who were in the United States against a United States target, which makes it a law enforcement [issue]...We’ll leave [terrorism] to the FBI and the FBI was basically law enforcement. They’re the people who when someone breaks the law they go out and stop them."
- Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, 3/25/04

How Much More Lying?

We're way beyond being hip deep in this shit.

CLAIM:

President Bush said yesterday that a memo he received a month before the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks did not contain enough specific threat information to prevent the hijackings and "said nothing about an attack on America." "I am satisfied that I never saw any intelligence that indicated there was going to be an attack on America -- at a time and a place, an attack."
- Washington Post, 4/12/04

FACT:

In a single 17-sentence document, the intelligence briefing delivered to President George W. Bush in August 2001 spells out the who, hints at the what and points toward the where of the terrorist attacks on New York and Washington that followed 36 days later.
- NY Times, 4/12/04

CLAIM:

"The [August 6, 2001] PDB was no indication of a terrorist threat...[It] said nothing about an attack on America."
- President George W. Bush, 4/11/04

FACT:

"[There are] patterns of suspicious activity in this country consistent with preparations for hijackings or other types of attacks, including recent surveillance of federal buildings in New York...The FBI is conducting approximately 70 full field investigations throughout the US that it considers Bin Ladin-related. CIA and the FBI are investigating a call to our Embassy in the UAE in May saying that a group of Bin Ladin supporters was in the US planning attacks with explosives."
- Presidential Daily Briefing, August 6, 2001

CLAIM:

"I asked the intelligence agency to analyze the data to tell me whether or not we faced a threat internally, like they thought we had faced a threat in other parts of the world. That's what the PDB request was."
- President George W. Bush, 4/11/04

FACT:

According to the CIA, the briefing "was not requested by President Bush." As commissioner Richard Ben-Veniste disclosed, "the CIA informed the panel that the author of the briefing does not recall such a request from Bush and that the idea to compile the briefing came from within the CIA."
- Washington Post, 3/25/04

CLAIM:

[The August 6th PDB] "was historical information based on old reporting. There was no new threat information. And it did not, in fact, warn of any coming attacks inside the United States."

- National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, 4/8/04

FACT:

The August 6th PDB included very current information, including warnings that the FBI had detected "patterns of suspicious activity in this country consistent with preparations for hijackings or other types of attacks, including recent surveillance of federal buildings in New York." The memo also included information from just 90 days beforehand noting that al Qaeda members were trying to enter the United States for an attack with explosives. "The FBI is conducting approximately 70 full field investigations throughout the U.S. that it considers Bin Laden-related. CIA and the FBI are investigating a call to our Embassy in the UAE in May saying that a group or Bin Laden supporters was in the U.S. planning attacks with explosives," the document said.

- Retuers, 4/10/04


CLAIM:
"There really was nothing that looked like it was going to happen inside the United States...There was nothing demonstrating or showing that something was coming in the United States."

Source: - Condoleezza Rice, 4/8/04

FACT:
Page 204 of the Joint Congressional Inquiry into 9/11 noted that "In May 2001, the intelligence community obtained a report that Bin Laden supporters were planning to infiltrate the United States" to "carry out a terrorist operation using high explosives." The report "was included in an intelligence report for senior government officials in August [2001]." In the same month, the Pentagon "acquired and shared with other elements of the Intelligence Community information suggesting that seven persons associated with Bin Laden had departed various locations for Canada, the United Kingdom, and the United States."

- Joint Congressional 9/11 Inquiry, 12/02

This is outright lying, pure and simple. In Condi's case, it's perjury, since she was under oath. How can anyone with a shred of intelect not be disgusted and morally outraged? How can anyone even consider for an instant voting for these sleazebags for a second term?

Telemark Skiing Equipment Observation

I don't get it. Maybe 'cause I'm not a telemarker/free-heeler/pin-head/BC-skier/whateverer. Maybe 'cause I don't eat granola or own Birkenstocks. Maybe 'cause I listen to bands like NIN, Garbage, Bad Religion, The Offspring, Save Ferris, and a host of others - but none of it encompassing twangy banjo blue-ass crap-folk music. As a species we've built life-sustaining platforms in space; we have a few robots prowling around on a planetary neighbor; we've managed to clone other species as well as the first attempts at our own; we have computational power that can fit in our hand that is orders of magnitude more powerful than machines that required entire rooms 40 and even 15 years ago; we have applied both high strength lightweight materials that we created along with extremely sophisticated engineering to recreational activities like skiing.

It's that last one. Skiing has it's roots in ancient times. Materials and techniques have been under constant development and refinement for literally hundereds of years. Modern alpine downhill skiiing is relatively recent as compared to nordic/telemark, as the free-heel crowd likes to point out. Can someone please explain then why there are endless problems, breakage, and poor design of telemark bindings? The need for tinkery home-shop modifications to climbing skins to get them to stay on? Debates about the glue to use for skins and how to keep the skins apart when they're not on the bottom of the ski?

Hello? Glue? Glue??!!!?? It's 2004 folks. Is this really the best we can do? What gives? Are all the manufacturers in tele space asleep at the wheel?

Spam Prose

A common spam tactic is to send the ad for an item as an image instead of as text. Spam filtering programs quickly caught on to this, so the spammers countered by surrounding and padding the images with lots of text. This fools the Bayesian filters into accepting the note as legitimate email. There are 3 popular techniques used by spammers to generate this fake text: random letters grouped in random lengths, random dictionary words strung together, and random phrases from random books. This last one is often generated with Amazon's new "look or search inside" feature. Sometimes though it leads to some pretty existential subjects and body text, like this one I received yesterday:

Subject: Re: Balance Due, acct Jerome - cyprus mulch toothaches for 970

apartment building make love to customer inside.Bbut they need to remember how non-chalantly minivan defined by pit viper gets stinking drunk.A few trombones, and blithe spirit behind) to arrive at a state of lover. Now and then, over philosopher fall in love with dissident from freight train.

Trombones, freight train dissidents, pit vipers, and non-chalant, drunken minivans, all in a single meme. What more could one want?

Font This!

It appears that the State Department wants to modernize:

In a sign that no matter is too small to affect international diplomacy, the US State Department has issued an edict banning its longtime standard typeface from all official correspondence and replacing it with a "more modern" font.

In an internal memorandum distributed on Wednesday, the department declared "Courier New 12" - the font and size decreed for US diplomatic documents for years - to be obsolete and unacceptable after February 1.

"In response to many requests and with a view to making our written work easier to read, we are moving to a new standard font: 'Times New Roman 14'," said the memorandum.

The new font "takes up almost exactly the same area on the page as Courier New 12, while offering a crisper, cleaner, more modern look," it said, adding that after February 1 "only Times New Roman 14 will be accepted."

Does this mean other govenrment agencies will be adopting more appropriate fonts? Obviously one of the first would be the mandate that all future intelligence reports be done in MS Comic Sans.

We Got Him...Somewhere....Probably

The administration has been remarkably silent about Osama Bin Laden pretty much ever since BushCheneyRummy satisfied their collective hard-on for invading Iraq. Recently though there were a couple of well planted articles from DoD and Pentagon sources saying how we're still hot on the trail of OBL and how close we are to capturing him. So how far fetched is the idea that we already have OBL captured and on ice somewhere? Think about it. The idiot son is at his lowest approval rating, and that was before he offered up his drunken-sailor-on-a-binge idea of a budget. The non-existent WMD shit is really starting to hit the fan with the oddly prophetic phrase "failure of intelligence". The Democrats will annoint someone to go into battle, Bush's numbers will continue to slide, Kerry or Edwards will command a sizeable lead in the polls. And sometime just before the election - early October most likely - the military/pr/propaganda machine will manufacture the historic capture of OBL. The Admin will trot him out; Bush will say "We got him!"; his numbers will soar thanks to the moronic majority; he'll be reelected with huge numbers and won't need to buy the election from Diebold like he did with the Florida election commision in 2000.